(○゜ε^○) (onyu) wrote,
(○゜ε^○)
onyu

exo: can't fight this feeling

can't fight this feeling
— Baekhyun/Chen. PG. 1000 words.
— Break-ups aren't supposed to be called 'break-ups'. They're supposed to be called 'opening oneself to the probability of finally looking at that someone who's always been by your side in the eye and saying, ah, yes, I'm home'.
— ANSA MADE ME DO IT. @ fake dating au week. Also available on AO3.




The thing about break-ups is that they're not really supposed to be called 'break-ups'. They hardly feel like breaking free from something so suffocating, hardly feel like graduating from a dark phase in your life into something better. They feel worse than actually being in a relationship, to be completely honest. Baekhyun should know – he's had some of the shittiest girlfriends and boyfriends in the past, and he can say, with every ounce of honesty, that this particular break up feels ten times worse than being in a relationship with his recent ex.

"She cheated on you and ended up with an uglyass guy. You should be cackling right now," Jongdae says during lunch, then stuffs Baekhyun's mouth with a sandwich even before Baekhyun can utter a word. "Seriously, there are other things you can be doing. Case in point: your homework."

"Done. Finished it the night the prof gave it to us." Baekhyun swallows around the thick lump in his throat. He sticks his tongue out at Jongdae when Jongdae cocks an eyebrow at him and mutters, really, now? "I may be stupid when it comes to relationships but I'm a good student. You know that."

"How about your laundry? It's been taking up half of our dorm."

"Not true. I did your laundry the other day as part of my 'cleansing from evil exes ritual–'"

"Or maybe your own lunch," Jongdae mutters, licking the tips of his fingers as he finishes. "You should stop stealing my sandwiches."

"I do not–"

"Or actually borrowing the shit you have you get from the library–"

"Or you could just shut up–"

Jongdae takes a deep, deep breath. He presses his lips into a thin, thin line, but the corners still curl up into a small smile. It's both a blessing and a curse, Baekhyun remembers Jongdae saying one time. Most of the time, and Baekhyun's never told anyone this, it's a blessing. Sort of a harbor whenever Baekhyun feels like he's losing his way. "Now that's my champ," Jongdae says, voice so faint he could've just been whispering, then brushes his knuckles along Baekhyun's cheek. "I haven't heard you say a thing since the break up."

Not true, Baekhyun wants to say, but he knows better than to lie. It's silly, pathetic. And he feels even more pathetic now that he realizes, when Jongdae gestures at the curve of his top lip, that shit, hasn't shaved for a week. And that his evil ex is just a few meters from where they are, eyes focused on him and nobody else.

"Goddess of evil's right behind me, isn't she?" Jongdae asks, the corners of his mouth softening into an easy grin as he does so.

Baekhyun nods. Nods, then takes a deep, deep breath before inching closer to where Jongdae is. It's probably stupid to be even thinking of doing something like this because what is he, twelve? Wanting to get even with his ex but sucking face with his own best friend? It's hilarious. But then this is Jongdae, and if there's anyone in the world he trusts enough to kiss the pain away then it's this man right in front of him.

So he reaches out, balls his hands into fists in Jongdae's shirt and tugs the latter closer. "Oh, it's that time of the year again," Jongdae whispers, words fading into a chuckle like they've done this a thousand times before. Not true, a voice at the back of Baekhyun's mind says – they've only done this twice, and on both occasions they were too hungover the following day to even talk about it.

Still, Baekhyun asks, "Okay?" before leaning even closer. He waits – for Jongdae to nod, to smile, to snort, to take another deep breath and close his eyes, dropping his shields to the ground.

Jongdae gulps hard. His lips tremble. Baekhyun doesn't let his eyes travel south yet. "Okay."

Baekhyun leans in, tilting his head just so until he can feel Jongdae's soft lips against his. It feels... strange. He can't remember when he last kissed a man – ex number three, was it? – but he does remember the last time he kissed Jongdae. The slide of their mouths has always been a bit awkward, but this time it feels a bit more... natural. Sort of like their bodies are finally aligning and they're relaxing into each other's warmth, giving in. Jongdae slides a hand up his nape at the same time that he sucks on Baekhyun's bottom lip, and Baekhyun groans at the sensation. Baekhyun licks Jongde's lips open in response, then, trying to get even, trying to give back. Half of him feels like he wants more of this – Jongdae licking the cavern of his mouth, Jongdae sucking on the corners of his lips, Jongdae, just Jongdae – but– "Whoa," he says when he feels Jongdae's cool hands on his chest, sort of pulling him closer but eventually pushing him away. He opens his eyes, tries to even out his breathing, but the memory of Jongdae's cool fingers on his shirt still makes him shiver all over. And the look on Jongdae's face, his flushed cheeks, his kiss-swollen lips, make Baekhyun want to ask why, what happened, what's happening to us–

"Weird?" he asks after a while, when he feels his teeth no longer chattering.

Jongdae shrugs, snorts, laughs a little. He's still staring at Baekhyun's lips, though. "Yeah. A bit."

Later, on their way to their next class, Jongdae walks a bit closer to where Baekhyun is. Their knuckles keep brushing and they keep missing each other's gazes, but they keep walking, anyway, eyes finally settling on the path ahead. Only before they step inside the room does Jongdae finally say, "Not weird," and tugs Baekhyun much closer until he can hold Baekhyun by the wrist, until they can sort of lace their fingers together, but only by the pinkies.

Baekhyun doesn't pull away. And he finally breathes out.
Tags: couple: baekhyun/chen, fandom: exo
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